Predictably, Congress has upped the president and I'm counting $1,200 for being a tax-paying working couple and another $300 for the kiddo.
That's $1,500 just for agreeing to not holding the souring economy against the president or congress, and looking the other way at the no doubt much larger giveaways to business. (The Wall Steet Journal's lengthy article on the givebacks devotes about four sentences to this part of the fine print. Who says we won't get fooled again?)
What a deal. If Jimmy Carter had thought of this, he'd have gotten re-elected.
Ah well. We're all welfare cases now. I know they call it a rebate, but most of the people getting cut check either didn't pay taxes or didn't pay that much in taxes. Who needs bread and circuses when we have gov'ment checks?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Don't blame Canada for this!
I'm heading north to Canada in a few weeks, which always gets me thinking about just how far we've fallen and how gullible we are.
The government and the Fed always churn out numbers saying inflation hasn't robbed us hardly at all, and the media dutifully reports the numbers. By now, we probably all know how they mess with things -- for example, excluding "volatile" prices like what we pay for gas and food. I mean, shoot, it's not like you have to buy those things. Wait for the price to drop.
But cross a border and you see just how little you get for a buck these days.
My regular trips to the Great White North started right about the time GW took office. For five George Washingtons you could get more Canadian dollars than you could stuff into your wallet. You were greeted at the border with a necklace of wadded-up Canadian bills, placed around your neck like a Hawaiian lei.
College boys fled there on weekends because, well, the drinking age is somewhere around 15, and waving a US hundred-dollar bill in a bar there attracted almost as many local women as it would in a bar in Bangkok. That they called their dollar the loonie pretty much said it all.
These days, the tides have turned. The loonie kicks George Washington's butt. A hotel room that used to go for $100 US goes for twice that. Instead of American shoppers going there for bargains, they come here. What used to be a $20 Cuban cigar goes for $40, hardly worth the effort of smuggling it across the border.
And this has been policy. The Bushies have spent years trying to make the greenback less valuable, on the logic that that it helps US business. Smaller dollars must be easier to stuff into offshore accounts in the Caymans when CEOs are trying to avoid US taxes.
Canadian wages are rising faster than ours, too. And they get health care for their tax dollars; we get Iraq. If this keeps up, I swear, Washington state will soon be Canada's version of Tijuana. They'll come her to get plastered, win our women with their hard currency, then flee across the border before the police close in.
Before you know it, mounted bands of Canucks will be policing their border while pressuring their government to build a wall and stop illegal aliens from stealing their jobs.
After all, they can pay US migrants in cheap little dollars. Canadians won't work for those things.
The government and the Fed always churn out numbers saying inflation hasn't robbed us hardly at all, and the media dutifully reports the numbers. By now, we probably all know how they mess with things -- for example, excluding "volatile" prices like what we pay for gas and food. I mean, shoot, it's not like you have to buy those things. Wait for the price to drop.
But cross a border and you see just how little you get for a buck these days.
My regular trips to the Great White North started right about the time GW took office. For five George Washingtons you could get more Canadian dollars than you could stuff into your wallet. You were greeted at the border with a necklace of wadded-up Canadian bills, placed around your neck like a Hawaiian lei.
College boys fled there on weekends because, well, the drinking age is somewhere around 15, and waving a US hundred-dollar bill in a bar there attracted almost as many local women as it would in a bar in Bangkok. That they called their dollar the loonie pretty much said it all.
These days, the tides have turned. The loonie kicks George Washington's butt. A hotel room that used to go for $100 US goes for twice that. Instead of American shoppers going there for bargains, they come here. What used to be a $20 Cuban cigar goes for $40, hardly worth the effort of smuggling it across the border.
And this has been policy. The Bushies have spent years trying to make the greenback less valuable, on the logic that that it helps US business. Smaller dollars must be easier to stuff into offshore accounts in the Caymans when CEOs are trying to avoid US taxes.
Canadian wages are rising faster than ours, too. And they get health care for their tax dollars; we get Iraq. If this keeps up, I swear, Washington state will soon be Canada's version of Tijuana. They'll come her to get plastered, win our women with their hard currency, then flee across the border before the police close in.
Before you know it, mounted bands of Canucks will be policing their border while pressuring their government to build a wall and stop illegal aliens from stealing their jobs.
After all, they can pay US migrants in cheap little dollars. Canadians won't work for those things.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
These are a Few of My Least Favorite Things
Congress.
Steroids.
Baseball.
BORING!!!
Maybe part of the problem is not that professional baseball players use performance-enhancing drugs. Like I care - personally, I'd like to see the All-Drug World Series, where pitchers throw 270 mph fastballs and batters hit 500-yard home runs.
Maybe part of the problem is that, in light of everything else they should be doing, our representatives have decided to spend time doing this.
Steroids.
Baseball.
BORING!!!
Maybe part of the problem is not that professional baseball players use performance-enhancing drugs. Like I care - personally, I'd like to see the All-Drug World Series, where pitchers throw 270 mph fastballs and batters hit 500-yard home runs.
Maybe part of the problem is that, in light of everything else they should be doing, our representatives have decided to spend time doing this.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Rubbin' is Racin'
So I've read yet another "poll" story about the presidential race. I know the candidates have posted position papers and statements on their web sites. Would it be too much to ask our "daily" media to talk about that stuff occasionally?
Actually, it would. Positions tend to stay stable - "on message" is the term. Daily "news" can be defined as "what is different than yesterday." Therefore, the different, no matter how trivial, takes precedence over further analysis of what we already "know."
Besides, each candidate has an economic plan they say will work. They've each got a mountain of experts who say the plan will work. I'm supposed to trust a journalist who went into journalism because "there's no math in it" to tell me which of the competing economic proposals has the best shot at working?
We're so screwed.
I get students who are from other countries from time to time, and they tend to monopolize my classroom discussions about U.S. journalism. As one woman exclaimed this week, "You've given up the right to have any real information from the news!"
"Yeah," I told her. "But at least we all know who's banging Jennifer Aniston."
Actually, it would. Positions tend to stay stable - "on message" is the term. Daily "news" can be defined as "what is different than yesterday." Therefore, the different, no matter how trivial, takes precedence over further analysis of what we already "know."
Besides, each candidate has an economic plan they say will work. They've each got a mountain of experts who say the plan will work. I'm supposed to trust a journalist who went into journalism because "there's no math in it" to tell me which of the competing economic proposals has the best shot at working?
We're so screwed.
I get students who are from other countries from time to time, and they tend to monopolize my classroom discussions about U.S. journalism. As one woman exclaimed this week, "You've given up the right to have any real information from the news!"
"Yeah," I told her. "But at least we all know who's banging Jennifer Aniston."
Friday, January 18, 2008
where's my dang check already?
yea, I only posted a moment or two ago. but I have to add this.
Hank Paulson, the president's money man, says in a press conference the economy is strong, they just want it to stay that way. Hang on a minute. Japan's economy was in the tank for a decade, and no one got checks. Are we the most spoiled nation ever?
I'm hoping for a full blown recession. Then maybe they'll send 16 grand.
Rather than point this out, the next question from the press was "what americans really want to know is, when do we get our checks?"
I am so proud to be a member of a thoughtful, analytical media.
Hank Paulson, the president's money man, says in a press conference the economy is strong, they just want it to stay that way. Hang on a minute. Japan's economy was in the tank for a decade, and no one got checks. Are we the most spoiled nation ever?
I'm hoping for a full blown recession. Then maybe they'll send 16 grand.
Rather than point this out, the next question from the press was "what americans really want to know is, when do we get our checks?"
I am so proud to be a member of a thoughtful, analytical media.
Uncle Sam wants you -- to take $1,600
Who says government never solves problems? My problem lately has been trying to convince my wife we need a 42" plasma. The $1,600 the president and his minions want to give every American family to buy our way out of recession should just about cover it.
Of course, it'll likely be made overseas and the only American economy stimulated will be a commission to some guy at Best Buy. But I digress.
The story so far....
The big banks came up with clever schemes to loan money to people without a prayer of ever paying it back, and then resell those loans like they were as secure as lending a five-spot to Bill Gates. (ie, they schemed.)
Those loans were used by a bunch of would-be yuppies to buy minimansions they couldn't afford but, hey, figured they could get better loans before they really had to make the payments. (ie, they schemed.)
So now, the pyramid scheme is falling apart and we, as taxpayers, are going to have to refund all these schemes so the banks can keep their profits and the yuppies can keep their houses.
Can I get a deal like that? Say, I'll rent a private jet, dash off to Vegas, drop a bundle on a suite at the Bellagio, pick up drinks for the crowd at the Palms, all the while banking on the grand I drop onto 33 black to pay for it all. And when it doesn't happen, I'll call on you to bail me out. You're good for it, right?
Notgonnahappen. But the bankers are too big to fail, and the yuppies will keep their houses -- mind you, the plan isn't to bail out the poor who can't pay, just those sacrificing their third car to keep their payments current. At our cost.
So I suppose to keep us happy, the Shopper in Chief wants to cut us a check. Shopping seems to be the Bush economic plan. Remember how, after 9/11, he called on the nation to sacrifice for the war effort by going shopping? Terrorists on the horizon: charge!
Of course, this still has to go through Congress, which will try to muck it up. The Democrats will only want to send money to the poor. Republicans would rather see tax cuts for the very rich. They'll fret about the deficit. You know. Blah blah blah.
Since Reagan took office, we've already borrowed more than my generation can ever pay in taxes. Or the next generation. Or the next generation. We're no longer stealing from our kids. We're stealing from creatures that, after a dozen more decades of evolution, probably aren't even recognizably human.
So let 'em do what they want. Long as my piece of the latest economic plan gets HD and has an anti-glare screen.
Of course, it'll likely be made overseas and the only American economy stimulated will be a commission to some guy at Best Buy. But I digress.
The story so far....
The big banks came up with clever schemes to loan money to people without a prayer of ever paying it back, and then resell those loans like they were as secure as lending a five-spot to Bill Gates. (ie, they schemed.)
Those loans were used by a bunch of would-be yuppies to buy minimansions they couldn't afford but, hey, figured they could get better loans before they really had to make the payments. (ie, they schemed.)
So now, the pyramid scheme is falling apart and we, as taxpayers, are going to have to refund all these schemes so the banks can keep their profits and the yuppies can keep their houses.
Can I get a deal like that? Say, I'll rent a private jet, dash off to Vegas, drop a bundle on a suite at the Bellagio, pick up drinks for the crowd at the Palms, all the while banking on the grand I drop onto 33 black to pay for it all. And when it doesn't happen, I'll call on you to bail me out. You're good for it, right?
Notgonnahappen. But the bankers are too big to fail, and the yuppies will keep their houses -- mind you, the plan isn't to bail out the poor who can't pay, just those sacrificing their third car to keep their payments current. At our cost.
So I suppose to keep us happy, the Shopper in Chief wants to cut us a check. Shopping seems to be the Bush economic plan. Remember how, after 9/11, he called on the nation to sacrifice for the war effort by going shopping? Terrorists on the horizon: charge!
Of course, this still has to go through Congress, which will try to muck it up. The Democrats will only want to send money to the poor. Republicans would rather see tax cuts for the very rich. They'll fret about the deficit. You know. Blah blah blah.
Since Reagan took office, we've already borrowed more than my generation can ever pay in taxes. Or the next generation. Or the next generation. We're no longer stealing from our kids. We're stealing from creatures that, after a dozen more decades of evolution, probably aren't even recognizably human.
So let 'em do what they want. Long as my piece of the latest economic plan gets HD and has an anti-glare screen.
Friday, January 11, 2008
A nation of mumbling idiots
This is a disturbing phenomenon: Untold numbers of Americans bumbling and mumbling about the hallways of American barely attentive and apparently talking to one another, with only an electronic paper clip on one ear to suggest they're actually on a phone call.
If they are. Really, how do we know. You could slap a bluetooth onto your average schizophrenic, clear out the asylums and who would know.
I'm getting tired of turning around to answer because someone's talking to me, and they're actually talking to their broker about a leveraged buyout. If Sir Edmund Hillary (rest his soul) had conquered Everest these days, he'd probably have done it while gabbing online about the 20-pack wool sock deal he just scored at Costoco.
Inevitably, you get a "how dare you listen" look when you turn. Honey, I didn't want to know about your yeast infection, don't stare at me because you made me listen.
We've all chuckled at TV from the Mideast where there's always a crowd yelling "lalalololalolalalololalala." A videotape from the average Pentacostal church tongues session would be just as silly to anyone who isn't in the spirit.
Imagine, though, how the world laughs when it sees video of Christmas shopping in America and see hundreds of people with blue glowing ears babbling away to anyone but each other?
If they are. Really, how do we know. You could slap a bluetooth onto your average schizophrenic, clear out the asylums and who would know.
I'm getting tired of turning around to answer because someone's talking to me, and they're actually talking to their broker about a leveraged buyout. If Sir Edmund Hillary (rest his soul) had conquered Everest these days, he'd probably have done it while gabbing online about the 20-pack wool sock deal he just scored at Costoco.
Inevitably, you get a "how dare you listen" look when you turn. Honey, I didn't want to know about your yeast infection, don't stare at me because you made me listen.
We've all chuckled at TV from the Mideast where there's always a crowd yelling "lalalololalolalalololalala." A videotape from the average Pentacostal church tongues session would be just as silly to anyone who isn't in the spirit.
Imagine, though, how the world laughs when it sees video of Christmas shopping in America and see hundreds of people with blue glowing ears babbling away to anyone but each other?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Laugh or Cry?
This is the kind of thing that makes me afraid to even try to write fiction. Basically, we've got two things happening here:
- An intelligence community that's incapable of doing what most working stiffs in the country do, which is paying bills on time; and ...
- A corporation mindset that's willing to cut off the wiretaps that allegedly keep us "safe" from terrorists because, well, the "safety" of Americans is one thing, but screw that if they aren't getting paid ...
And I'm supposed to trust the intelligence community to keep me safe, and Corporate America to do the right thing for my welfare. Uh, yeah ...
FBI Wiretaps Dropped Due to Unpaid Bills
By LARA JAKES JORDAN – 5 hours ago
WASHINGTON (AP) — Telephone companies have cut off FBI wiretaps used to eavesdrop on suspected criminals because of the bureau's repeated failures to pay phone bills on time.
A Justice Department audit released Thursday blamed the lost connections on the FBI's lax oversight of money used in undercover investigations. In one office alone, unpaid costs for wiretaps from one phone company totaled $66,000.
In at least one case, a wiretap used in a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act investigation "was halted due to untimely payment," the audit found. FISA wiretaps are used in the government's most sensitive and secretive criminal and intelligence investigations, and allow eavesdropping on suspected terrorists or spies.
- An intelligence community that's incapable of doing what most working stiffs in the country do, which is paying bills on time; and ...
- A corporation mindset that's willing to cut off the wiretaps that allegedly keep us "safe" from terrorists because, well, the "safety" of Americans is one thing, but screw that if they aren't getting paid ...
And I'm supposed to trust the intelligence community to keep me safe, and Corporate America to do the right thing for my welfare. Uh, yeah ...
FBI Wiretaps Dropped Due to Unpaid Bills
By LARA JAKES JORDAN – 5 hours ago
WASHINGTON (AP) — Telephone companies have cut off FBI wiretaps used to eavesdrop on suspected criminals because of the bureau's repeated failures to pay phone bills on time.
A Justice Department audit released Thursday blamed the lost connections on the FBI's lax oversight of money used in undercover investigations. In one office alone, unpaid costs for wiretaps from one phone company totaled $66,000.
In at least one case, a wiretap used in a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act investigation "was halted due to untimely payment," the audit found. FISA wiretaps are used in the government's most sensitive and secretive criminal and intelligence investigations, and allow eavesdropping on suspected terrorists or spies.
John McCain, agent of wrong changes
I just heard the senator proclaim on tv he's been an agent of change for 35 years.
Sorry, but if you've been bringing the changes we've seen since the 1980s began, you're actually an agent of the changes that got us into this mess.
Now, I respect him as a former POW. But as a Reaganaut, you're one of the people who made the country believe you could have all the goodies and tax cuts, too. You made our motto, ask not what you can do for our country, ask what our country can give you on our grandkids' dime.
You're an agent of the changes we need to reverse.
Sorry, but if you've been bringing the changes we've seen since the 1980s began, you're actually an agent of the changes that got us into this mess.
Now, I respect him as a former POW. But as a Reaganaut, you're one of the people who made the country believe you could have all the goodies and tax cuts, too. You made our motto, ask not what you can do for our country, ask what our country can give you on our grandkids' dime.
You're an agent of the changes we need to reverse.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Hillary's best move: Dump Bill
Okay, this isn't PC, but I'll say it. If Hillary wants me to believe she's a woman who can run the country, she needs to dump Bill.
And not just because the White House makes women hot, and I worry about what he'll do there with even more time on his hands.
Hillary Clinton wants to be the first woman president from a generation that taught us females could be fierce, independent equals capable of leading a company, a state or a nation. Yet she let herself be cheated on and publicly humiliated just to hold onto her man.
She's been just as a much a doormat when it comes to giving GW permission to invade Iraq, and then Iran. She seems to be simply blind to what men do -- be it with interns and cigars or troops and waterboards.
I mean, if Bill and Hill weren't rich and running for office, they could be the average couple on Jerry Springer. Bill would be the guy who fails the lie detector test and the paternity tests and still insists he didn't sleep with either of those women. And Hill would be the sadsack who says "Aww, maybe not. And I know he still loves me down deep."
Now, I know her excuse is that she had to stay for the kid. Maybe that was true in Arkansas, but by the White House years, Chelsea wasn't going to have to grow up without a father. She was pretty much what she was going to be -- a smart, independent woman who I'll bet wouldn't put up with such crap from any man.
But Hillary, despite her education and experience, is still at heart the marginally attractive girl in coke-bottle glasses who'll do about anything to get a man and take just about anything to keep him. Pretty much like a Monica or a Paula with a law degree.
What's going to happen when a Republican politician like former footballer Steve Largent meets her, say, in the Senate and says "Hon, I can't buy this health care thing, but I would like to buy your purty self a steak." Will she play hardball, or bend over backwards to keep his attention?
And as we've all seen Russian hunk and modern czar Vlad Putin without his shirt, I have to wonder if Hillary won't be too forgiving if he says he "cheated, but only a little" on some arms treaty. "I did not sell nukes with that country, Iran."
I mean, there are women in politics who could stand up to any man. Nancy Pelosi could emasculate the whole field of Republican presidential contenders in one fell swoop. Anne Coulter is colder than Putin's best vodka.
Sorry, but the first woman president should not be a doormat.
And not just because the White House makes women hot, and I worry about what he'll do there with even more time on his hands.
Hillary Clinton wants to be the first woman president from a generation that taught us females could be fierce, independent equals capable of leading a company, a state or a nation. Yet she let herself be cheated on and publicly humiliated just to hold onto her man.
She's been just as a much a doormat when it comes to giving GW permission to invade Iraq, and then Iran. She seems to be simply blind to what men do -- be it with interns and cigars or troops and waterboards.
I mean, if Bill and Hill weren't rich and running for office, they could be the average couple on Jerry Springer. Bill would be the guy who fails the lie detector test and the paternity tests and still insists he didn't sleep with either of those women. And Hill would be the sadsack who says "Aww, maybe not. And I know he still loves me down deep."
Now, I know her excuse is that she had to stay for the kid. Maybe that was true in Arkansas, but by the White House years, Chelsea wasn't going to have to grow up without a father. She was pretty much what she was going to be -- a smart, independent woman who I'll bet wouldn't put up with such crap from any man.
But Hillary, despite her education and experience, is still at heart the marginally attractive girl in coke-bottle glasses who'll do about anything to get a man and take just about anything to keep him. Pretty much like a Monica or a Paula with a law degree.
What's going to happen when a Republican politician like former footballer Steve Largent meets her, say, in the Senate and says "Hon, I can't buy this health care thing, but I would like to buy your purty self a steak." Will she play hardball, or bend over backwards to keep his attention?
And as we've all seen Russian hunk and modern czar Vlad Putin without his shirt, I have to wonder if Hillary won't be too forgiving if he says he "cheated, but only a little" on some arms treaty. "I did not sell nukes with that country, Iran."
I mean, there are women in politics who could stand up to any man. Nancy Pelosi could emasculate the whole field of Republican presidential contenders in one fell swoop. Anne Coulter is colder than Putin's best vodka.
Sorry, but the first woman president should not be a doormat.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The dictatorship of Dixville Notch
Well, we're just a couple days now from the incredibly compressed primary season of 2008. Votes get cast on Thursday and the nominations will be wrapped by the end of February and before any sane people even start paying attention to who'll be the next president. (My whole sane state of Washington won't even bother until much too late.)
The candidates themselves will have nothing to do for eight months or so other than courting big money and polishing their attack ads, neither of which is something I want my next president spending that much time on. We either need to lock them up in cells for the next few months or move the national vote to March (which, unfortunately, seems more likely.)
Another cycle or two, and they'll have it down to something I predicted years ago -- the dictatorship of Dixville Notch.
That's the tiny New Hampshire village where a handful of people vie to be the first to vote, and release those votes, on primary night. Voting first, of course, gives the Granite State more clout than it deserves, and you have to think Dixville has the most clout at all.
So compress things a little more, and I see it something like this:
Jan. 1, 12:01 a.m. -- On New Hampshire's primary day, Dixville release its votes even as the ball drops in Time Square. Surprise! Mayor Jenna Bush, a recent emigre to the burg, is the clear winner.
6:01 a.m. -- As most New Hampshirites go the the polls, CBS and NBC based on Dixville data declare the statewide race for mayor Jenna.
7:23 a.m. -- Iowa's coffee caucuses swing Bush's way after Katie Couric announces a 'nationwide tide' in her favor. The 18 other Republicans in the primary all concede the nationwide race.
12:01 p.m. -- Voters head to the polls in 21 other states as 'Super Noontime' kicks in. With Jenna a lock, most grab a Democratic ballot and write her in as well.
1:43 p.m. -- ABC and Fox, stung by their delayed call on New Hampshire, declare the nationwide race for Jenna.
2:12 p.m. -- With 0.00071% of votes cast, Democrat Lyndsay Lohan becomes the first candidate from her party to concede, saying "OK, I'll do spring break instead." By 2:30, all Democrats but Dick Gephardt have declared "What's the point?" And he never wins anything.
Thus by the end of primary day one, the election will be wrapped up. It'll be over before most Americans have a day. We'll be like Pakistan without the assassinations.
Which doesn't mean candidates will stop courting the key voters. Four years later, all 37 Dixville residents will have passed Bill Gates on the list of wealthiest Americans.
The candidates themselves will have nothing to do for eight months or so other than courting big money and polishing their attack ads, neither of which is something I want my next president spending that much time on. We either need to lock them up in cells for the next few months or move the national vote to March (which, unfortunately, seems more likely.)
Another cycle or two, and they'll have it down to something I predicted years ago -- the dictatorship of Dixville Notch.
That's the tiny New Hampshire village where a handful of people vie to be the first to vote, and release those votes, on primary night. Voting first, of course, gives the Granite State more clout than it deserves, and you have to think Dixville has the most clout at all.
So compress things a little more, and I see it something like this:
Jan. 1, 12:01 a.m. -- On New Hampshire's primary day, Dixville release its votes even as the ball drops in Time Square. Surprise! Mayor Jenna Bush, a recent emigre to the burg, is the clear winner.
6:01 a.m. -- As most New Hampshirites go the the polls, CBS and NBC based on Dixville data declare the statewide race for mayor Jenna.
7:23 a.m. -- Iowa's coffee caucuses swing Bush's way after Katie Couric announces a 'nationwide tide' in her favor. The 18 other Republicans in the primary all concede the nationwide race.
12:01 p.m. -- Voters head to the polls in 21 other states as 'Super Noontime' kicks in. With Jenna a lock, most grab a Democratic ballot and write her in as well.
1:43 p.m. -- ABC and Fox, stung by their delayed call on New Hampshire, declare the nationwide race for Jenna.
2:12 p.m. -- With 0.00071% of votes cast, Democrat Lyndsay Lohan becomes the first candidate from her party to concede, saying "OK, I'll do spring break instead." By 2:30, all Democrats but Dick Gephardt have declared "What's the point?" And he never wins anything.
Thus by the end of primary day one, the election will be wrapped up. It'll be over before most Americans have a day. We'll be like Pakistan without the assassinations.
Which doesn't mean candidates will stop courting the key voters. Four years later, all 37 Dixville residents will have passed Bill Gates on the list of wealthiest Americans.
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